I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!

I got a job today!!! I really did!! I'm soooooooooo happy! On Dec 21st of this year, I will officially be an employee of Genesis Medical Group. My 1st gig as a medical coder! The adventure for this job started in August of 09! Coming from a retail background - it's odd for me to see it take this long to hire someone. In the retail world - (Convenience stores especially) you need someone yesterday! You scan apps, interview, test & drug test w/in 48 hours and as soon as the test comes back approved you get them started!! It's a different type of business with specialized skills (coding ;)) so I guess that makes the difference. It pays to be cautious in these areas.
I'm excited about what happens next. This position is being created, the way I understand it, to improve efficiency between the hospital and the billing offices. I may have a desk in both places. They're still working out the details. I am so ready for something new and for structure to come back into my life!! Alas - I won't be able to stay up til 4-5am (I really DO love to do that) but the fact that I will be able to pay my rent on time and actually be able to breath a little easier - hey it's worth the sacrifice!! :)
The last 16 months and 4 days have been some kind of adventure! Not always good but it has taught me so much. I believe everything happens in G-ds time. I am so thankful that I wasn't working when mom got sick this last time. I have gotten closer to her in the last several weeks than I ever have I think. Had I got the job in August - This would not have happened.
This is probably the 1st time I've ever really given something over to Him. I have believed in His promise to provide for our needs. I needed a job, therefore He would provide one - in His time - that being the hard part - G-d & I aren't always on the same schedule! I got discouraged at times, sure, but I ALWAYS knew He would care for me. He sent so many to do just that. People who cooked for me, people who listened to me, thoses who sent me money, helped me get in school, encouragers, teachers, friends - oh my friends - I am truly blessed here... people bought me food and sundries, a friend even bought Christmas presents for my grandson last year so I wouldn't have to go w/o gifts for him. My family have been awesome, God's family has been awesome and I have been blessed beyond measure. I pray to G-d for insight to be the same light for others. To be able to see the need in someone's eyes and meet it - just as has been done for me.
What a wonderful day this has been for me! God is faithful! I pray to never take this time I have had for granted.

This is the view from the house Karen & Bob rented in Nags Head NC. Not many things can get me up in the morning before 5:30am but an ocean front sunrise will generally do the trick!! What a great blessing I had in being able to go! It's been 15 crazy months being unemployed and all. The offer came at the perfect time (God's in the habit of doing these kinds of things!) I had no money but Karen said I didn't need any - they just wanted me to go. So... On Sept 11th, 2009 Karen picked me up at my apt. and we headed south! We were joined throughout the day by Bob, Helen, Kristy, Katie & Travis. Sue, Theil & Dot came to visit. ( Dot looks so much like my mom that from a distance you would think you were looking at mom. But Dot's 92!)It was a wonderful week that I'll blog about later but Shannon has been buggin' me about not keeping current so Shannon - this post is especially for you!! ;)

With My Bestest Friends on my B-Day!

Happy B-Day to me!!

Thank you Little Miss Sparkle - you rock out loud!!!!

AAARghhhhhhh!!

Testing this is only a test!! Just another day trying to get this thing working!!

12/13/08 ramblings

The saying goes: It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Whoever said that probably didn't experience much loss - or they're just plum crazy. When you make a career out of loving and losing it just makes you want to say f*** it and run off to a convent. Love can be such a complicated thing - probably of our own making. We pick the wrong one, thinking he is perfect at the time. They take you for granted, have no interest in you at all, totally mis-read your intentions, like you as friend (or worse - a sister) or any number of things you can name. Sometimes you both think you get it right only to find out years later you didn't. I don't know... it probably is better to have loved and lost - at least you know you're alive - 'cause the pain nearly kills you!!! ;) I wish relationships were easier at times. I mean - I'm glad God created us to need each other because life would be pretty boring w/out that fact but men and women are so different that sometimes it's just plain EXASPERATING!! We can spend a lot of time trying to be what we think they want us to be (that sure doesn't work) because we're afraid they won't want us as we know (or think we know) we are. It's not good enough for us so how can it possibly be good enough for someone else. Yep - I've got self image issues. I say I'm a BBW (wh/ by the way stands for big beautiful woman) but the truth is - I don't believe the beautiful part - never have - don't believe it - can't see it. They say if you can't love yourself you can't love anyone else. I suppose there's some truth to that - maybe that's why I keep falling for men who don't look past the "cover" of this body - such that it is. I believe I'm a "good read" but the cover - well... needs some work.
I've recently "lost" again and the wound is fresh. I knew that it probably wouldn't have worked - yet I fell anyway - I tried not to but those eyes, the feeling of electricity that ran thru (still runs thru) me when I'm near him -and did I mention the eyes - wow! How do you stop that? Wish that there were a switch you could just shut off. Like a light switch - click - and it's off. I suppose that would be pretty cold & in it's own way, probably just as painful.
I am learning some things along the way - I'm trying to feel better about myself - It's hard work shutting down those head tapes that have played over and over for so many years. I AM WORTH THE TROUBLE!! I deserve a good man who thinks I'm "it" for him. I believe there has to be one - I'd love to be married again someday. There's a lot of work I need to do but then - that's what this thing called "living" is all about. More later... I'm exhausted!!